Wedding world has a way of sucking a bride away from her blog! Being so excited about getting married has distracted me from my healthy foodness...which actually served pretty well as a distraction from the pre-engagement frustration. So essentially, I've been distracted from my distraction.
In more ways than one, food provided relief while I anxiously awaited a proposal. I'd either research recipes or read about how other people are cutting out processed food, healthifying desserts, becoming vegan, going raw, etc. or if the mood struck...I'd binge.
See, I've struggled since Day 1 of my current employment situation. There seems to ALWAYS be some sort of treat or simple carbohydrate splayed out for anyone to grab. At the beginning it was simply an indulgence. After I settled into my position, I ate out of boredom. While I was dying to get engaged and doubting my self-worth, I gnawed on whatever was available until my mind is was longer on my dissatisfied heart but my uncomfortably full stomach.
After I got engaged, I was still eating after I felt full, noshing on all the most unhealthy things. At this point it was habit. Bored? Eat. Sad? Eat. Even when cookies and bagels weren't sitting out on the breakroom tables, I still felt the need to get my sugar fixes. I'd go out on lunch and buy extra food or I'd sneak into coworkers empty offices to reach into their candy jars.
To top this all off, the idea I had in my head that having a ring on my left hand would make all my problems go away turned out to be false. Surprise, surprise! Wedding planing has surprisingly been an emotional time. I'm actually very shocked-- I thought I'd be extremely busy and tired but I there have been a number of things popping up that make decision-making very difficult! Stressed? Eat.
I had been seeing a counselor since early July. Also, my asthma has flared up recently. Between therapy sessions and doctor's appointments, I've been having to take a lot of time away from the office which made me feel insecure about my job. So I took a break from therapy and tried to see if I could find a free support group during weekends and evenings.
This past Saturday I finally attended an Overeaters Anonymous (OA) group that I found a couple months ago. It's the same format as AA where there's a 12-step program and before you speak you have to say, "Hi my name is ___ and I'm a compulsive overeater." I don't like that because I really don't want to be declaring that on a regular basis. What I do like about the meeting is that God is involved. Hallelujah! I sometimes forget that I have help even if no person is around. So the reminder to pray is nice. It was suggested to attend 6 meetings before you decide whether or not OA is for you. So I plan on going to 5 more before I make a decision one way or the other. God help me.
My latest upset was last night when I saw our engagement photos. The ones that my photographer posted on facebook weren't so bad but there were a number of them in the online gallery displaying my ugly stomach rolls and chunky arms. Barf. Now I'm realizing that while I'm really scared to get on some sort of drastic weight loss plan before the wedding, that I really need to regardless. I do not want to look at my wedding photos and feel that way!!
That's about all the verbal vomit I feel like sharing today. I plan to track my food and exercise on my blog starting now. I'll probably also share wedding planning woes and success also.