Thursday, July 31, 2014

I had a successful wedding and failed marriage

I just read a very insightful blog post, a letter from a mother to her daughters about how very un-pinnable her 1994 wedding was. She expressed the same sentiment that many do in different words; what matters is the marriage and not the wedding.

Let's not jump to conclusions, however. Just because a bride-to-be slaves away on handmade centerpieces doesn't mean she is expecting to just have a gorgeous wedding day and doesn't care about the rest of her life. I should know because I was one of them.

I folded one thousand post-it notes from my office into individual petals, five of which would form one flower. My then-fiance and I sanded and spray painted 20-some photo frames so we could have creative table numbers even though our reception venue would have printed simple numbers to save us the time and energy. During the first few seconds of my maid of honor's speech, I was futzing with my bouquet to get it to stand up straight in the jar I had on our Sweethearts table...because, you know, there could have been a picture (sorry Susan). I had 3 trial runs for my hair.

I labored with my hands and with my mind months before the wedding and even months before I was engaged. During that time, I didn't think my marriage would be over in a matter of 8 months...but it was.

Do I believe my failed marriage was a direct result of having a Pinterest-worthy wedding with tea light holders that I sourced from 4 different Dollar Trees? No I don't. However, instead of rolling 200 strips of paper into 200 rose blossoms, I could have spent that time reflecting on myself, what I truly wanted out of my life, and why I wanted to marry my fiancĂ©.  If I had, I could have spared a massive amount of heartache for myself, my fiancĂ©, and both of our families.

If I were reading this 2 years ago, I wouldn't have thought this warning applied to me. This would say to me "the marriage is more important than the wedding." And I would think, "Oh sure, I agree. But I'm gonna have a crazy cute wedding anyway."

My soul ached when I looked at my ringless left hand, not for my boyfriend when he wasn't near me.
When I thought of my future, I imagined a neatly decorated home, not being held by my spouse and feeling complete.

My husband and I didn't make it to our first anniversary...but I have remarkable photos of my beautiful wedding day.