Friday, November 2, 2012

I noticed something...

I stopped blogging around the time I began counseling and also not long after my asthma flared up. Not sure if one or the other was the stronger influence. I wish I could draw some conclusions about what and why caused the lack of food tracking but since I have no record of my thoughts...I can't.

Anyhow. What I ate yesterday:

Breakfast: A half a cup of steel cut oats cooked with a sprinkle of chia seeds, raisins, natural pb, and a banana.

Lunch: Steak chilli, carrots and hummus.

Snack attack disaster: uncounted candy. There's two huge bowls sitting on the counter in the breakroom. I helped myself a good many times, almost brainlessly.

Dinner: Organic chicken fajitas on a highly processed tortilla that has some whole wheat flour in it. Odd that I mentioned my asthma flare up from June in this post...I made the same mistake I did the day before my attack; throwing diced raw pepper in a hot cast iron skillet. It makes a pepper vapor fill your entire kitchen. Then you inhale it into your lungs and proceed to cough and cry for 6 hours. This time it wasn't habanero, it was jalapeno so I thought it would be okay. Wrong. Well anyhow, we endured the pain so we could finish making our dinner, adding some veggie broth, garlic, onions and organic bell pepper and honey to the skillet. The result was delicious with just enough heat, a surprisingly endurable amount of spice.

I went to the OA meeting yesterday. Even though I was nervous again, I had a very good experience and I think I'm going to continue to attend. I don't know how much I'm allowed to talk about it publicly since I need to honor the "Anonymous" part of what I agree to by attending meetings.

Non-Food Thought of the Day: Lately, the sound of paper rubbing against paper or highlighter on paper has been giving me a weird headache. This is not helpful when I work in an office. Do you have any strange annoyances?

Thursday, November 1, 2012

The Plan

I am participating in The Healthy Apron's Fall Weight Loss Plan.

There, I'm sharing my food and exercise but I figured I can be a little redundant and add my commentary on my actual blog.

Yesterday I ate:

Breakfast: 1/2 cup of steel cut oats with cinnamon, raisins and natural peanut butter.
     I eliminated almonds from my diet for a couple weeks to figure out if I had an allergy that was causing my asthma issues. Eliminating almonds meant switching from smoothies to oats. Well I'm not allergic to almonds but I've been enjoying my oatmeal in the morning. Very yummy and warm for Fall and as a bonus, it keeps me from reaching for the snacks until about 11:30am.

Lunch: Maybe 6 oz of a steak chilli with about 6 carrot sticks dipped in homemade hummus, and a clementine. A half hour after lunch I had a Larabar.
      I didn't really need the Larabar. I just wanted something sweet. I always have sweet cravings after lunch and I usually give in since eating only takes me about 20 minutes of my mandatory hour- enough time remaining to drive somewhere and buy something terrible for me. Reaching for the fruit and nut snack seemed a little more virtuous than noshing on six mini Kit-Kats. However, I was already full from lunch and did not need to eat it. Excess calories are excess calories- healthy or not.

Snack: 1 green pear at about 4pm.
       I'm proud of this one since my afternoon snack attacks are usually the worst.

Evening Consumption: I didn't exactly  have dinner.
       I went to my friend's house after work to show her my costume and had a  glass of some sweet white wine there. Then I ran to my fiancee's place to grab the chilli I needed to bring to Chris (which I forgot anyhow) and ate about an ounce each of cheddar and pepperjack cheese with a handful of rice-almond crackers.
       By the time I got to the house where Chris and I were handing out candy (7:15pm-- I usually eat dinner by 6!), I was not only ravenous with hunger, but also stressed from the drive over. I was so nervous about running into the copious trick-or-treating pedestrians hogging both sides AND the freakin' middle of the road. Seriously. I'm never driving on Halloween again! Unfortunate stress relief: Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.
       Then I had a heated up lean-pocket and maybe 1/4 cup of frozen mixed veggies. Other things that made it into my stomach that night- a mini Hershey bar, a mini Whoppers packet, one mini Twizzler, another Reese’s cup, and a few nibbles of my fiancee’s frosted sugar cookie.

I'm pretty sure I didn't get enough water in the evening and I have and no exercise to report. Overall I think I had an ok day. Even though I noshed on candy, I feel better about having recorded it because it seems like so much less than it would have been in my mind...if that makes sense.

I'm going to another OA meeting tonight. Maybe this time I'll a little more relaxed.

Non-Food Commentary of the Day:
I got an email whose subject line promoted one particular Presidential candidate but the contents of the email was just bashing their opponent. I think that's tasteless. And I also hate that people assume that I want to be fed a bunch of Republican BS just because I'm a Christian. I also hate that just because I don't want to vote for Mitt Romney, people think I'd vote for Barack Obama. Most people suck. 

Wednesday, October 31, 2012



Wedding world has a way of sucking a bride away from her blog! Being so excited about getting married has distracted me from my healthy foodness...which actually served pretty well as a distraction from the pre-engagement frustration. So essentially, I've been distracted from my distraction.

In more ways than one, food provided relief while I anxiously awaited a proposal. I'd either research recipes or read about how other people are cutting out processed food, healthifying desserts, becoming vegan, going raw, etc. or if the mood struck...I'd binge.

See, I've struggled since Day 1 of my current employment situation. There seems to ALWAYS be some sort of treat or simple carbohydrate splayed out for anyone to grab. At the beginning it was simply an indulgence. After I settled into my position, I ate out of boredom. While I was dying to get engaged and doubting my self-worth, I gnawed on whatever was available until my mind is was longer on my dissatisfied heart but my uncomfortably full stomach.

After I got engaged, I was still eating after I felt full, noshing on all the most unhealthy things. At this point it was habit. Bored? Eat. Sad? Eat. Even when cookies and bagels weren't sitting out on the breakroom tables, I still felt the need to get my sugar fixes. I'd go out on lunch and buy extra food or I'd sneak into coworkers empty offices to reach into their candy jars.

To top this all off, the idea I had in my head that having a ring on my left hand would make all my problems go away turned out to be false. Surprise, surprise! Wedding planing has surprisingly been an emotional time. I'm actually very shocked-- I thought I'd be extremely busy and tired but I there have been a number of things popping up that make decision-making very difficult! Stressed? Eat.

I had been seeing a counselor since early July. Also, my asthma has flared up recently. Between therapy sessions and doctor's appointments, I've been having to take a lot of time away from the office which made me feel insecure about my job. So I took a break from therapy and tried to see if I could find a free support group during weekends and evenings.

This past Saturday I finally attended an Overeaters Anonymous (OA) group that I found a couple months ago. It's the same format as AA where there's a 12-step program and before you speak you have to say, "Hi my name is ___ and I'm a compulsive overeater." I don't like that because I really don't want to be declaring that on a regular basis. What I do like about the meeting is that God is involved. Hallelujah! I sometimes forget that I have help even if no person is around. So the reminder to pray is nice. It was suggested to attend 6 meetings before you decide whether or not OA is for you. So I plan on going to 5 more before I make a decision one way or the other. God help me.

My latest upset was last night when I saw our engagement photos. The ones that my photographer posted on facebook weren't so bad but there were a number of them in the online gallery displaying my ugly stomach rolls and chunky arms. Barf. Now I'm realizing that while I'm really scared to get on some sort of drastic weight loss plan before the wedding, that I really need to regardless. I do not want to look at my wedding photos and feel that way!!

That's about all the verbal vomit I feel like sharing today. I plan to track my food and exercise on my blog starting now. I'll probably also share wedding planning woes and success also.